Bedtime: A Step-By-Step Process of This Mom's Struggle for Peace and Quiet

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Here's the real deal, folks...bedtime routines are imperative, but can be complete bullsh** and a waste of time.  Reality is we are just trying to survive until they fall asleep. I think we can all relate.  I thought I would just give you a quick look into the real-life, daily events that lead up to the peace and quiet that comes with a sleeping (eventually) kiddo.

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Step 1: Dinner...maybe.  I don't know if it's his age (3 years 8 months) or just the fact that he has become a complete asshole at meal times, but dinner is a struggle.  I don't know if he's really hungry, he says he is.  So I make dinner.  It's unacceptable.  At this point the dinner could be ice cream with candy on top...he pushes it aside. "Chocolate milk, please." Ummm, nope, not happening.  Full meltdown.  Throw away the dinner and pray he ate well enough during school and snack time to sustain some sort of normalcy.  So fuck dinner, apparently that's not gonna happen.

Step 2: Bath.  Crying because he didn't get to put in the bubbles.  Get the kid in the bath.  I'm in the splash zone.  Soaked.  Sit and listen patiently to a full reenactment of the movie Jaws staring a Darth Vader and a whale we bought on vacation (please note: he has actually never seen the movie Jaws so I have no clue where this is coming from, but it's pretty damn accurate.) Clean up dishes while listening to the sound of what can only be described as a deluge of soapy waters being haphazardly splashed about.  Pray that the lavender aroma and warmth of the tub are working some kind of magical spell on him, making him tired, and feeling restful, only to realize this is the exact definition of a "pipe dream."

Step 3: Pajamas.  How dare I even suggest putting on pajamas while he runs around naked, only to refute any argument for actually wearing nighttime clothing?  He ends up in a t-shirt, no underwear (obviously that's too much) and a full Kylo Ren costume (complete with mask, gloves and a light saber.)

Step 4: Crazy Hour.  Now I don't know if this is just specific to my child or if it's a universal law that all children lose their damn minds during the twilight hours, but it's definitely  a thing.  Full bat-shit crazy mode. There he is, running in circles, light saber battling with the dog and shouting "the weapon is mine" at the top of his lungs.  Mom losing patience.

Step 5: The Pre-Crash Famishment. Because dinner wasn't an option he's now bargaining for a snack...ugh.  You give in.  Pirates Booty and pudding is officially "dinner."

Step 6: Clinginess.  The tired is sweeping over him.  He's feeling full from the above mentioned snack and now it's time to adhere himself Mom. "Just snuggle me! I need my blanket! Read that book again.  Now this one.  Now tell me a story. I'm thirsty.  I have to pee again!" Initially you try to lay him in his bed but that's literally the most offensive thing that has happened to him all day and he's now in full meltdown, so you try the couch.  Eventually you're both in your bed.  Mom is passing out, the dog is snoring, and kiddo is wide awake and conversations are starting to take on a "whose on first" vibe.  No one is making any sense and you have to pee so badly, but you can't move or its all down hill from there.

Step 7: The Crash...it finally happened.  He succumbed to the need to sleep. You can finally finish the dishes, take a shower, have a glass of wine, read, catch up on a show, oh wait...and pee...alone!!! Whatever you want to accomplish, now is your time.  This is the peace and quiet you've been craving. You peel off his Kylo Ren costume and do a little happy dance.   Quietly.

Step 8: Move the child. I put him into his own bed. Usually without any issue, but occasionally you lay him down and he freaks out, almost levitating above the bed as if it's some sort of magic trick and refuses to entertain the idea of snoozing in the expensive Pottery Barn Kids twin bed with organic mattress you painstakingly picked out for his Star Wars themed big boy bedroom and so you just put him back where he started.

Step 9: Time for Mom to sleep.  It only takes 5 seconds for you to fall asleep because this whole process has you so bone-weary that your eyes just shut and you're done...

Step 10: Mid-REM crisis: "Mommy I have to pee! I want to sleep on your bed! I need my blanket! I'm thirsty! Is it time to wake up?" You're startled awake, ripping you from your dreams.  Oh hell no! ...back to sleep...You are allotted 6 inches of the queen sized bed.  He has the rest, but still manages to kick, slap, and sweat or drool (and on a great day...pee) on you while you struggle to eek out just a few more hours of some-what quality shut-eye.

And it all repeats itself the next night... The struggle is real, Moms.  Respect.

 

How having a child in preschool is giving me a middle school complex

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When my son started preschool I honestly thought it would open a wide variety of social avenues for both of us but I'll be honest, it hasn't.  In fact, I almost feel like parenting is cliquier than middle school was, and middle school didn't go well for me.  I wasn't "cool" or part of a crowd so much that I really felt like I belonged.  I was awkward and chubby and never quite fit into the standard idea of what was 'acceptable' the middle school hierarchy of what is deemed 'normal.'  Girls were mean and boys were meaner.  There was no winning.  I wasn't popular and I really didn't like putting myself out there, but I genuinely thought I was awesome...it was everyone else who seemed to have a different opinion.  It was just hard and I hated it.  imageReal talk: when I joke and say Tina Belcher is my spirit animal...I'm not really joking, total truth! We've all felt insecure and misunderstood. So why is preschool giving me serious flashbacks? Well, it's because once again I find myself feeling those old, familiar feelings of exclusion creep back in.  This time by members of the same peer group...other moms.  

I'm a single parent, currently staying home to be there with my son to help ease his transition into school full-time.  I'm not any different than moms with husbands or partners at home.  We all struggle with the same things. All parents battle against sleepless nights, potty training, how to get your child to eat, sick babies and skinned knees.  I do all the same things the other moms do.  So why do I feel so different?  It's such a weird feeling to describe.  I often feel like I'm wearing the invisibility cloak (ok, Harry Potter references probably don't make me any cooler) and it's like they, the other moms, just don't see me. I could be standing right next to them, wearing the same brands and frequent the same places, but for some reason I just don't fit in.  I felt the same way walking down the school hallways.  Lonely.   It isn't that I don't like some of the moms, it isn't that some of them don't acknowledge me.  I'm grateful for the people who I have met that choose to greet me with a kind "hello" and a smile.  I don't want this to diminish those Moms who go about parenting with the true spirit of community and support.  Let's face it, they are not all that  way.  There are those who judge and there are those who choose to, by whatever motivation, harbor some deep-rooted insecurities of their own.  For some reason it bothers me and that's the truth.  I can say a million times that I "give zero f#&%s" about what anyone else thinks, but I do care and I care who it affects my child.  Leaving me out leaves him out, and that is something he just doesn't deserve.  He's a highly social boy with a loving heart who is kind and sensitive.  I love that about him, his dad loves that about him.  That's the person we are working so hard to raise.

In a particularly hurtful example of how  we have been affected by this type rejection my sons feelings were affected and it killed me.  Almost the entire group from his preschool class worked amongst themselves to plan a Disney day with the kiddos.  We've all chatted about Disney and it was apparent that nearly everyone is an annual pass holder, and so are we.  On this day they all met for a group day at the park.  The next day, however,  all of the kids were talking about it amongst themselves at school.  I had no idea this had all transpired or I would have been more prepared for the tears and obviously painful conversation that occurred at pick up.  My son said to me,"all of my friends went to Disney and they didn't invite me." I told him it was ok and maybe we could go next time...but then he said,"they don't like me, they didn't want me to go."  I couldn't help it, the tears just fell out of my eyes.  I tried hard to hold them in.  I am NOT A CRIER.  Now that I'm a full-grown adult don't let shit get to me. But this totally broke my heart. I explained to him that they did like him and that I would take him to Disney anytime he wanted to go.  He's 3 years old so most of the rudeness and flat-out thoughtfulness of everyone else it lost on his innocent sensibilities and he got over it. I, on the other hand, felt completely cut to the quick. Do I think this incident was intentionally meant to hurt me or my son...NO! I choose to believe this was just an unfortunate thing that happened.  But it sucked, big time.  For the purposes of full transparency I'll say this: we can't go to every birthday party or join every activity like everyone else.  Our family is split between to households and juggling time with Boo is a delicate balance of scheduling and planning each week and weekend between the two parents and sometimes a grandparent.

I'm not writing this for sympathy and I'm not writing this to point fingers at any particular set of moms or another.    I'm simply stating that how we treat one another as mothers and parents (although I never hear of the "Dad Clique" but I assume it's a thing) can directly color the way we treat our children and the other children in our community. Whether it be at preschool or the elementary school bus stop or at the soccer field, or dance class... respect each other as members of the same tribe.  Being exclusionary creates division where division doesn't need to be.  I'm not saying that we all need to be best friends, but how do you know we wouldn't be?  I just didn't think at 36 I would feel like a the middle-schooler again...Where do I stand? Who do I talk to? Are my clothes ok? Will they like me? But what's super messed is that at one point I found myself asking the question: will they accept my son regardless of me? And sometimes the narrative in my head would be so loud I'm surprised the other moms couldn't hear my internal dialogue echoing  "just like us, we're cool, just please accept us."  US, as in, totally hoping that some asshole adult would give my son and I some sort of preschool mom clique seal of approval.  Nope, no more.   I just can't.  I'll smile and talk to anyone willing to return the social niceties, but I won't be made to feel like I'm not good enough to be let into some secret club of people who deem themselves better than myself or anyone else and I surely won't let my son fall victim to that kind of mentality.  In an ideal world all mothers would stand in solidarity of one another and we would all genuinely be good friends, but this is reality.  Reality is we all don't fit in, we all don't have to.  At this point in my life I have to be able to deal with the fact that I still don't fit in, just like in middle school...but maybe other mothers feel the same way.  If you've ever felt excluded, over-looked, under appreciated or like a social pariah, come join me at the 'nerd table.'

All Love,

W & Boo

 

Mom Purse: WTF is in there?

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Let me just preface this by saying that I hate wearing a purse.  In my former life I would never wear a purse.  Cash and keys in pocket and out the door.  Now, with a child, I'm just proud I'm not leaving the house without luggage.  So while I was walking around the grocery store the other day and realized...this purse is heavy as F%$#! Then I stuck my hand in there..."WTF is in here?!?" In an effort to be as transparent as possible here's what I found in there after I removed the 47 crinkled up receipts and about a dozen expired coupons: sunglasses (severely scratched so thank good they're cheapos from the drugstore), Disney passes, 14 pounds of loose change, enough singles to make a stripper jealous, 4 tubes of lip balm and 2 shades of lip gloss that I NEVER wear, a beer ticket (you know, just in case), some Boogie Wipes (because I have used a sleeve in the past and thought that maybe that was my "rock bottom"), hand sanitizer, hair ties for pulling up my barely brushed tresses, a lollipop stick (that was still wet), my hard case wallet that holds my debit card, Costco membership card (hallelujah) and my variety of discount cards for ice cream, cupcakes and coffees from around town and the piece de resistance...hidden in one of the pockets was a unwrapped and unused (obviously) tampon that I found Boo swinging around by the string one day in the middle of Target (not pictured...you're welcome.) Feel free to share what's in your purse because we all know it's a disaster in there.

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WTF Wednesday: Reasons why Summer is the Worst...

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It's summer time. Time to cue up the iPod's with all your favorite songs, stock up on lemonade supplies, crank up the AC and gather up the beach gear.  But also, let's admit that summer is the WORST. When the kids aren't in school full-time and it's hot outside our families take on a whole other level of crazy.  Let's list the ways that summer is the absolute most annoying time of year: image

1. No school? No Bueno.  The kids are bored as soon as the novelty of the "schools out for summer" mentality wears off.  By my calculations that's about 15 minutes post end-of-school-year-celebrations.  Boredom leads to messes. Messes lead to annoyance.  Annoyance leads to frustrations. And that, as we all know too well, leads to meltdowns...on EVERYONES part.  Surprisingly, there's a lack of day camps from the last day of school for about 2 weeks post-insanity.  That's two whole weeks of figuring out what in the actual F#*% you are going to do with your kids.  And yes, I realize we all would love more time with our kids to vacation and whatever, blah, blah, blah....reality is...they don't want to spend all day everyday recreating Norman Rockwell moments with their parents.  They want to hang out with friends and be preoccupied with teachers and counselors and activities.  Real talk: no school sucks!

2. The public pool is my own personal hell.  Really.  Let's add the beach to that list...and water parks.  All of that blows.  The pool is overcrowded with parents and kids seeking some sort of relief from the stifling heat.    Parents: please watch your kids at the pool.  Get off your phone, put down your book, and open your eyes! My little guy LOVES to swim and for a three-and-a-half year old he is a damn good swimmer (thanks for amazing swim lessons and A LOT o commitment on my part by taking him to the pool for daily practice and confidence building ::pat on the back::) but I would never take my eyes off of him or be more than 4 feet away.  OK, so your kids are bigger and older and so they can go do their own thing.  Sounds great, can't wait for that day, BUT my kid can't so help me out and make sure your raging preteen doesn't jump, splash, bump, hit or generally rough house around the little guys. Find somewhere else besides the kiddie pool for that!  There have definitely been times that myself or daddy have fallen victim to this type of crap happening around us or our son and it ruins the whole experience for everyone. Same goes for water parks except add asshole adults acting like previously mentioned goober kids and you have everyone's worst nightmare.  And the beach? Please y'all, I love the beach. Love.  Or should I say 'loved' the beach before I had a child...now it's more of a chore than a relaxing zen-like retreat.  Beach toys, umbrellas, chair, towels, sun protectant armor and lugging all of that crap down into the burning sand only to end up sitting next to a group of co-eds chugging brewskis and wearing less than dental floss.  Here in Florida, some beaches allow driving and parking on the beach.  Seems like it would be convenient.  I find it scary and dangerous.  Every year some story on the news about someone being run over on the beach...uh, no thanks.  And the sand....everywhere and anywhere it can be hidden...for weeks.  We went away a few weeks ago to a beach resort...I'm still finding sand in things and places that I'd rather not.  Ugh.

3. Camp!  Camp is good for the reason that it gets the kids out of the damn house and into some structured activities that easy the pain of boredom.  But camp is also a huge pain in the ass.  We have to send B to camp "swim ready" and pack clothes and a lunch for the rest of the day.  Only childless people would believe getting a 3 year old "pool ready" first thing in the morning is easy.  Putting sunscreen and swimwear on a little kid is like wrangling a greased pig and dressing it for one of Jacque Cousteau's deep water expeditions. Don't forget you must label everything.  If you don't, than just pull out some cash and burn it. Same thing.  Everything will end up lost in the ether of day camp craziness.  We like NameBubbles. And don't get me started on trying to survive the parking lot and the daily drop off/pickup systems of camp... AHHHH!!!

4. Ice cream.  We love us some ice cream and popsicles but good gravy...what a mess!!!  How is it possible to hand a child an ice cream or some other frozen treat and within 30 seconds realize it's in their hair, all over them and their clothes and shoes...then the realization that it's also all over you and in your hair and in your purse and...OMG...it's just everywhere.  The only solution is hose everyone off after a trip to ice cream stand.  I'm still cleaning a popsicle stain out of the car seat and surrounding areas from a disastrous and poorly thought out decison on my part.

5. The heat and all of the things that come with rising temperatures.  Luckily we live in Florida so we are prepared for year round heat and humidity, but 105 degrees in the shade? It seems like summer started WAY early this year and the heat has been worse than ever before. Maybe I'm imagining that but, ugh.  The car feels like an oven, your boob sweat is literally out of control, there's no point in even doing anything with your hair cause you know you are going to end up looking like Hagrid within 5 minutes of exiting the safety of your air-conditioned domicile, wearing less clothes means shaving your legs way more often than the lazy days of winter, and even the dog won't entertain the ridiculous idea of subjecting themselves to heat stroke. WTF?! I've never been so happy for daily rain showers in my life, but even those leave little relief from the oppressiveness of the climate outside.

All of that being said, summer can bring some good times and great memories and even though right now, at this very minute I hate all things summer, I still do them for the sake of love and laughter with kiddo...and for the simple fact that there's no escaping it. Also, thank goodness this year school starts incredibly early here in the sunshine state.

Good luck surviving the rest of the summer!

All Love,

W & B

Monday Fave Rave: Tis The Season

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Tis the season for frantic shopping, assembling, wrapping, and stashing all of those gifts for the kiddies. But what about the adults? You know, the ones that wipe noses and asses, that run the errands and cook and clean, are up all hours of the night and rise with the sun to face the day head on…yeah, those people. Don't forget to get something special for the ones who do all the work and expect nothing in return.  I have a great little list of local places to stop in and find something for the parental units on your gift giving list this year that caters to every style.

  1. Got Karma? Major karma points for stopping in this unique and zen boutique to grab a great gift to keep the qi flowing.  Perfect for your hippy momma gal pals.
  2. Retromended is the perfect place for your throwback kings and queens.  I can always find the perfect accessory for my Mom Uniform.
  3. Rocket Fizz  is the perfect place to put together a special gift for your favorite sugar addict.  They have everything you could think of all in one awesome place that will bring you back to the old school days.
  4. The Lovely is a a beautifully put together boutique market that brings together both locally made artisan crafts and impeccably selected vintage finds brought to you by local entrepreneurs.  You will find something for everyone and probably some stuff for you too.
  5. Etoile Boutique has some of the coolest and one of a kind creations you will find in Orlando…or anywhere.  You can always walk out of this place with something special.

Try to remember to shop local this season.  You won't be disappointed and neither will your friends and family!

 

Good Luck!

-W and Boo

 

 

WTF Wednesday: Toddler Toys Are The Worst

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I would say nothing drives me more bat-shit crazy than a few of my son's favorite toys.  Seriously, who ever invented some of this crap needs a slap.  With Christmas fast approaching, my little guy is looking forward to receiving plenty of gifts from the big man in red.  I, on the other hand, am dreading it…oh, and conveniently we have a birthday right after.  Double to crap, double the pain in my ass. Look, it's not like we don't or won't buy or kids annoying shit.  It's just that we have to deal with them and we all deserve the rant.  So heres my list of "pain in my ass toys of 2015."

  1. Play doh.  What sick bastard thought that this was fun for anyone but a toddler? It gets everywhere.  You have to tell everyone (including the dog) to not eat the damn stuff. You will never have a nice area rug ever again if you imbibe in the play doh, just a fair warning.
  2. Legos…no surprise here.  We've all stepped on one and screamed a few curse words that may or may not be the reason your toddler says the "F" word in public to this day.
  3. The Fart Blaster.  Good gravy, this thing has pushed me almost to my limits.  There isn't anything more annoying than waking up to a toddler fart blasting you in the face with this very annoying gun-like toy that makes me want to run for the hills screaming and pulling my hair out.
  4. Anything with glitter on it.  Ugh, really? Like I need more shit to clean up, now we've added sparkle to the mix? Thanks.
  5. Anything that requires a PhD in Engineering for me to A) remove from the box or B) assemble.  Real talk: I'm too tired for that shit and my kid wants the damn toy, so why do they make it all so difficult to play with?

So do us a favor and don't buy us this stuff, OK? If you promise not to we will invite you over for birthday parties and pool parties and not complain when you eat all of our food or drink all of our wine.  Even better, we won't buy these for your kids.

Persnickety Palate: Trick Your Toddler

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These days getting Boo to eat anything that isn't hotdogs or mac'n'cheese is basically a miracle.  He's pretty resistant to eat anything vegetable related…so I trick him.  I hide veggies in everything.  Is it just us? I mean, I feel like I hear other people saying that their kid will eat anything… I want to slap them.  I have worried myself sick in the past thinking that my child will end up unhealthy, but the fact is feeding them a balanced diet is possible. Here are my top tricks for sneaking in nutrients into your toddlers otherwise crap diet:

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  1. Replace lasagna noodles with zucchini ribbons, or make "pasta" with this handy little tool.  My kiddo will eat anything with a pasta sauce on it, so this is always a great options for replacing gluten and carb loaded foods with a veggie.
  2. Add frozen spinach to meatballs.
  3. Reduce ground beef, chicken or turkey portions and add ground mushroom.  This is a great boost of vitamins and minerals.
  4. Try adding a bit of pureed pumpkin or butternut squash to tomato sauces.
  5. Add steamed and pureed cauliflower to cheese sauces.  This can lighten your alfredo and mac'n'cheese considerably.
  6. Always add spinach or baby kale to your smoothies.
  7. This Airfryer is amazing.  We make a ton or sweet potato fries, zucchini fries, tater tots, etc. with little to no oil.
  8. If you have a juicer making carrot juice or beet juice to add to fruit juices and freezing into popsicles makes kiddos happy and cools them off.
  9. Add whipped avocado to puddings and brownie mix.
  10. When in doubt look for store bought items that add veg to the old standbys (just be ware of added preservatives, dyes and sugars!!)

Monday Fave Rave: Target Obsessed

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Anyone who knows me know that I am totally TO (Target Obsessed.)  It's my happy place. A place I like to escape to while kiddo is in preschool.  I swear I could walk around in that red palace of impedimenta for days.  It's also just super convenient that they sell all of my favorite brands these days.  For busy parents with a multitude of tasks to juggle, we can all appreciate a one-stop-shop.  This also happens to be Boo's first choice in bigger retail stores too. I don't know about you guys but I'm kind of picky about what I feed Boo, use on our skin, or purchase for the home.  I try to go for the most organic, GMO free, artificial additive free, all natural as I can, when I can.

Heres my list of Target must haves:

  1. Annie's Organics everything.  From soup to snacks this brand is a go to for us and we can usually find our necessities on sale.  that's awesome since my picky eater goes through about 6 cans of Bunnies a week.
  2. Zarbees.  Holy crap, I love this brand!! Finding supplements and all natural meds for children is not an easy task.  Other brands on the market are homeopathic and give my son an adverse reaction at times.  Once I discovered this brands I fell in love.  Adults won't miss out either.  Personally, I can't take many OTC meds, but this stuff helps me feel a lot better when the germs get the best of me.
  3. Nature's Wick candles and home scents are so awesome.  I am officially nuts for them.  I love the wood wicks and soy based wax.  No stinky chemical doers when you blow them out and their unique scents, like bonfire nights, keep my whole house feeling all warm and cozy, even with stinky kids and a smelly dog running around from time to time.
  4. Pacifica is a great brand, but I specifically love these makeup remover cloths are super luxurious feeling and smell fantastic.  Keep these in your gym bag or purse and they are safe to use on the kids, too.  Trust me.
  5. Imaginext are the greatest toys ever.  I recently stumbled upon these for my 2.75 year old.  They are perfect.  Fisher Price hit right on the money with cool characters and infinite possibilities to encourage your little one's imagination and story making skills.  We have probably a million of these because I buy one to two "mystery packs" per trip.

Next time your in Target check these out and please let me know if there is a "must have" that you guys are obsessed with, too.  I am always down to try new brands.

Next week look for my have rave on local Orlando shops for all of your gift giving needs!!!! 

WTF Wednesday: Preschool is Killing ME

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Another quick post, but I really need to vent on this issue.  Preschool is killing me.  Boo loves school.  Kinda like a puppy will eat anything, my son just blindly loves school.  It's pretty sweet, actually.  And as his parent I want him to like going to school.  As for me, I am dying.  Here are my top 5 reasons why:

  1. The obvious…germs.  Cough.
  2. I don't have enough room for all of the "art work." boxes and boxes of finger-painted "masterpieces."
  3. Mom-Cliques… I totally feel like I'm back in middle school (which BTW was the worst.) Admittedly, I am a little intimidated, I'm the only single parent and kind of feel like a social pariah.
  4. Daily feelings of parental failures. A day doesn't go by that I haven't left feeling supremely less than qualified to raise my own child because he "plays too much" or "talks about batman too much." Seriously, WTF?? He's 3 years old! Be lucky he keeps his pants on all day and hasn't flushed something important to you down the toilet.
  5. The Parking Lot is the fifth dimension of my own personal hell.  It's survival of the fittest.  You have a mad combination of children darting out into the path of oncoming cars, this one over here insisting on backing in her tour-bus-sized SUV into parking space made for a compact car, and multiple cars all backing up or around or whatever into one another.  Seriously…its like the parking lot at WalMart on Black Friday.

 

Persnickety Palate: Kid Friendly Local Eats

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There are so many great options in Orlando to take the kids out to eat!! I'm making this a quickie post because I am knee deep in Thanksgiving Day prepping, but here is a list of 5 great places to eat with your kids in Orlando that doesn't involve the mouse-house, food shaped like animals, video games, or mascots.

  1. Tijuana Flats This is pretty much my kiddos favorite place to eat.  The food is good, the atmosphere is fun and the people are really accommodating to the tiny humans.
  2. East End Market We love to grab a smoothie and a pastry, walk around and shop, then sit outside and enjoy the Florida weather.
  3. Pig Floyds Urban Barbakoa If you haven't eaten here, go now! Run Fast! This place is so good.  Boo and I love to get the 2 meat platter and share.  The atmosphere has a cool urban vibe and the people are really chill.
  4. Another Broken Egg is awesome for brunch on the weekends.  The menu is fantastic for both kids and adults.  There is plenty of outdoor seating to enjoy the morning.  It's a great alternative to the staple brunch places in Winter Park or Downtown where you are more than likely to wait an hour to be seated.
  5. Pom Pom Teahouse and Sandwicheria They have something for everyone's palate.  Even picky eaters.  The walls are adorned with pieces from local artist.  The vibe is happy and friendly.  The teas are amazing and sandwiches will blow your mind.

Enjoy

W and Boo

Monday Fave Rave: The Mom Uniform

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I swore to myself when I was pregnant that I would be a "cool mom."  I would dress every day. No pajamas at the grocery for me, dammit! Although it is tempting, don't let your style slip.  Often our kids are dressed better than we are but that's not fair (insert adult tempter tantrum here.) You wouldn't send them to school or take them to a birthday party wearing sweatpants and stained t-shirt, so you shouldn't for the sake of "comfort and ease" look like a disaster.  This is totally doable with little to no time to spare in the morning with the right combinations of school-drop-off-appropriate pieces, a 5 minute face, and a commitment to stepping up your style game even when you're tired.  We know it's easy to fall into a rut, but lets try to remember that you already sacrificed shapely figure, perky boobs, beauty sleep, and patience. From hospital to home, you can still look hot.  It's just takes knowing what works in a pinch. This is how I keep from feeling like a fashion failure.

Top 10 go-to pieces for my "mom uniform":

  1. Don't just throw on any old t-shirt.  There is a time and a place for your college team logos, free shirts from random work events, or that ugly thing you scrub the bathrooms in…please, just don't.  A tunic top that drapes and hangs nicely on all figures, is the perfect foundation to a great outfit.  I own this top in black, white, grey, navy and forest green.
  2. An exception to the t-shirt rule: vintage is always cool…I love Junk Food Clothing for this very reason.  These shirts look great with anything.
  3. Just say NO to "pajama jeans" or anything you see on an informercial.  Go for a legging.  They are versatile, comfortable and fashionable, but sony just throw on any old pair of leggings.  Look for and purchase leggings with some structure and detail such as faux leather, paneled, jegging in a dark wash, and moto style all offer the comfort and simplicity of a yoga pant (please keep the fitness wear for fitness…really.)
  4. If you just need a slouchy pant go for a boyfriend cut. Old Navy makes a great pair for all shapes and sizes.
  5. Gym shoes are for the gym, but I do love a sneaker.  Try a Converse All Star Chuck Taylor for comfort and they look great with legging, skinny jeans or a comfy dress.
  6. If you need a coat (we live in Florida so I don't get wear them as often as I would like) I am currently obsessed with this Lululemon option.  Sleek and modern…not frumpy and lumpy.
  7. Add a scarf any time and any season.  I like to get mine from Target or Old Navy.
  8. Need a dress option? Try this hot Faux Suede Shift Dress. So versatile and a better option than the same old back shift dress.
  9. If you just have to wear sweats…please…do an Adidas Track Suit.  Dope.
  10. And if you don't have to carry a diaper bag, try a small cross body bag like this one.  Black, simple, and goes with everything.

I know that some days are harder than others, but looking good is feeling good.

Let's Be Friends: What Not To Say To A Single Parent

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Parenting is parenting, plain and simple.  It really doesn't matter if someone is single or married.  I am a person, a well-educated woman with many interests and a multitude of passions and talents.  One of those many things is being the best mother that I can possibly be. But I also love music and art, films and books.  I love to see my friends and talk about world issues or just crack jokes back and forth for a few hours over some food and a nice glass of Pinot Grigio.  I am a whole person. Look, I really want to like you and I don't want you to sound like a complete dickhead.  Here are some tips on what not to say to a single parent.  Then, maybe we can see each other's perspective a little better and we won't have those cavernous awkward moments that can fill a room when someone said something stupid or offensive.

  1. "How do you do it all?  I wouldn't be able to do it." Yes, you would.  Any of us would.  You love your kid; you take care of your kid.  That's it.  Like Tina Belcher says, " I'm no hero, I put my bra on one boob at a time just like everyone else."
  2. Please address me as a person.  Ask me how I am doing.  Yes, I know, you want to know how my child is doing, too, and that’s great.  I really do appreciate it.  Ask me how I am doing.  It's not very often that someone will actually care how or what I have going on outside of parenting, but can you just pretend?  The list is long and I kind of really want to talk about all of that stuff.  As much as I would love to talk about potty training, preschool germs, sleepless nights and temperamental toddler tantrums…give me a break.  Just ask me how I am doing.
  3. "I can relate." No, you can't.  Just like I can't relate to your issues.  I don't live in your house. I don't know what you're going through, so please don't assume you can relate to all the shit I have going on.  It's a delicate balancing act of emotions and circumstances, at any minute it could all crumble.  You can't relate to my situation, just like I can't relate to yours.  But I can empathize and I can lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on if you need it and if you offer the same, that would be greatly appreciated.
  4. "You should start dating again." Thanks for the opinion, but I'm really good alone right now.  When the time is right, it will happen.  Dating isn't a fix to single parenthood.  I don't want to fix it.  This is working for me, so please keep your opinion on my love life, or serious lack-there-of, to yourself.
  5. Back off of the ex.  It's none of your business.  If you aren't in my very, very tiny circle of trust, please keep any and all opinions of the ex to yourself.  Don't make drama where drama doesn't need to be or exist.  We don't have time for that mess.  Move along.
  6. I can't stand the terms "baby daddy" or "baby mama." We have names and identities.  At the very least you can call me "Boo's Mom." Its disrespectful to address either of us in such a fashion and I mentally check-out when it happens…so more than likely I have probably ignored all the words that came out of your mouth after "baby mama."
  7. "Make sure to take care of yourself first." Yeah, I get it.  The reality is that when you are a single parent taking care of yourself has to take a back seat to taking care of the kid, the house, the dog, feeding the fish, making dinner, running baths, doing your own laundry, etc.  Sometimes I just can't take care of myself first.  I forget to eat, or shower, or take my vitamins or apply my wrinkle creams, but I try to take care of myself the best I can and I don't need a reminder of priorities.  Mine are straight.  Thanks.
  8. "I bet you really need a vacation right now." This may be difficult for you to understand, but the minute you are away from your tiny terror you miss them and the thought of being away from them for too long makes every bone in your body ache with a pain that is so indescribable you often just opt for a weekend at Disney World rather than a spa weekend away with your girls.  There is no vacation from this life.  And I don't need one.  I love the chaos and crazy.
  9. Don't give me parenting advice unless I ask for it.  Just don't.
  10. "I feel so sorry for you." Really? How rude! Why would anyone feel sorry for me? I have an incredible life, an amazing child, a warm home, a full heart and the best and most amazing support system in the world.  Never feel sorry for me.  I got this.

It takes a village to raise every child and every village is different.  I chose this life and I don't regret it.  My child is loved beyond measure by both of his parents, all of his grandparents, and aunts and uncles, cousins, babysitter, neighbors, friends, and teachers.  Are some days harder and longer than others? YES! This can be said for all parents, not just singles parents.  Please don't presume to assume that I'm alone or lonely, or sad and pathetic. I am not…and even when I am feeling that way.  I'm not.  So lets be friends, shall we?

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Things I Never Thought I Would Actually Say…But Now I Do

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Being a parent has changed everything.  I say some shit that I actually NEVER thought would come out of my mouth.  I seriously sound like a crazy person.  I'm pretty sure I have heard saner rantings on the subway.  So here is a quick little rundown of the incredibly socially inappropriate things I find myself repeating.  Please, don't judge.

  1. "Don't lightsaber the dog."
  2. "Whose poop is that? Your's or the dog's?"
  3. "Stop licking things at school.  They think we're both crazy."
  4. "(Insert superhero name here) poops in the potty. Do we need to call him and ask him how?"
  5. "Dont poop in this pool, dammit!"
  6. "Don't talk about Grandma's boobies in public."
  7. "Don't put your hand in your diaper."
  8. "Please don't stand in the window naked."
  9. "Why does the dog have catsup all over her?"
  10. "Blankets don't fart, people fart."
  11. "Please stop letting the dog lick your butt."
  12. "Is that a floating Chewbacca in the tub or a turd?"
  13. "Please don't lick my face…its just weird."
  14. "No, you may not take your pants off at Target."
  15. "What is that smell? No, seriously…what is that smell?"
  16. "Teacher said you licked your own shoe today.  What's up with that?"
  17. "Please use the potty to pee in, not the shower."
  18. "What do you mean by 'don't touch my bubble'? I have no clue what that even is!"
  19. "We don't say 'fuck'…I mean YOU don't say it…you say 'fudge'…ok?"
  20. "Yes, Darth Vader probably has a penis, too."

WTF Wednesday: When Your Biggest Hater is Your Own Kid

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My kid literally "can't like" anything these days.  His favorite toys, foods, clothes, going to school…even me, at times.  It SUCKS! All toddlers go through a growth period when they are changing and developing and some children are more sensitive than others, and that's ok.  There is an ever-growing list of shit that my toddler just "can't like." A few weeks ago I made his favorite meal of mac'n'cheese, he threw it in the sink and wouldn't eat it.  I try to put his favorite pjs on him; it's like wrangling feral cats. Loves the bath, then hates the bath. Plays with the dog, then tells her to go away. Wants to snuggle with me and in the same breath tells me he doesn't like me.   Freaks out at me if I try to leave, but doesn't really want me to stay.  It's kind of a mind-fuck, to say the least.  And as much as it bugs the shit out of me, it must be driving him a little bonkers too. I mean really, WTF?? The transition from two to three is tough. Some days my only respite is cranking up Steve Winwood's "Back in the Highlife" very loudly and belting out the lyrics in the shower and cry-laughing like a crazy person.  My only advise is to breathe and to repeat to yourself that they do grow out of this phase.  I give positive attention and positive reinforcement for positive behaviors and positive words.  Negativity and words like "I don't like you" or "I love so-and-so best, not you" are just attention seeking behavior.  Remain calm and share with your kiddo when they are hurting your feelings, then drop the subject.  Ignore it (although I know you're silently really pissed or hurt.) Won’t eat dinner? Than I guess he gets hungry. Don't want to wear pjs? No big deal.  Won’t wear his nice shirt for school? I guess he will just cry.  Doesn't want to go to school? Well, Boo just has to cry until he's done crying.

Crying is OK. Cry out those frustrations or anxieties (both of you…I just prefer crying in the shower.) Tears are just fine with me. Eventually these episodes will subside and he will eat, and wear pjs and do whatever.  But for right now…this blows! I ask Boo to take a deep breath and we keep doing that until he has calmed down.  I don't do temper tantrums anymore, and by that I mean, I don't stop all that I'm doing to play into his conniption fits. Once that became my philosophy we have had A LOT less of them, well…in public anyways.

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As a single parent I recognize all of my "invisible work" just isn't something my son can appreciate, yet.  He will one day.  He will be a strong, confident, and well adjust kid.  So for right now, go ahead kiddo.  It's alright if you don't like me at times because I know you'll always love me…and I will always love you.

Persnickety Palate: Popsicles

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Who doesn't love popsicles? I mean, really? Everyone does, but there are way too many out on the market that are full of crap.  I am a firm believer in feeding kids "kid food" but without the additives, preservative, artificial colors and flavors, etc.  Living in Florida, popsicles are a staple in our house.  As summer turns to fall, and fall turns to cold and flu season, I will be stocking up on our favorite popsicles to help battle sore throats and fevers.  They're not just for the poolside lounging during the dog-days of summer. I know a lot of you uber moms out there probably pick, squeeze, blend and freeze your own healthy concoctions for your kiddos favorite frozen treats, but I just don't have the time or really want to deal with the mess.  Here's a little list of our choice icy treasures.  IMG_8468

  1. Ruby Rocket's  Yumm! These are our go-to for heat relief and to soothe an ailing toddlers bout of the yucks.  We found these at Union Market in Brooklyn and at Winn Dixie (yeah, you read that right.) These will work for anyone with gluten or dairy allergies, are completely vegan, have added probiotics, and no artificial junk.  Keep these on hand all year long, your kiddos will thank you.
  2. Lifeway Frozen ProBugs Push Pops A great alternative to ice-cream! These little beauties are frozen kefir with all natural flavors, gluten free, lactose free and have 10 added live probiotic cultures.  THese are great when my son has an upset tummy and isn't really interested in eating.  I can usually find these at Whole Foods and Fresh Market.
  3. Diana's Bananas because dark chocolate covered frozen bananas are the jam! An added bonus is that I usually run across these at Aldi on the cheap, so I load up.

My picky little eater loves all of these and even kids in our neighborhood eat them all with no complaints.  It's a great way to sneak healthy ingredients into any diet and can help battle the blahs of being sick this winter.

Enjoy!

-W and Boo

 

Monday Fave Rave: Faves for Babes

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Some of us feel a little clueless when it comes to what you what you need for babies. What is trendy is not always best. What we are wasting our money on for baby?  It's all very confusing.  Our personal story is that we traveled A LOT in Boo's first year, back and forth between sunny, car-dependent, hot and humid Florida and cold, snowy, stroller-loving, brownstone-living Brooklyn.  Two totally different worlds.  I feel like that first year was a complete test in "let's see how much this poor bitch can handle." In that time I think I came up with a pretty great list of stuff that worked for us that I like to share with people whenever they are expecting or having just welcomed baby and have no f*#$ing clue what you need to have and what you should just go ahead and donate now or get out of your damn way.  Here is a little list of what I think made my life as a single mom just a little easier in my rookie year.

  1. Kickee Pants Basic Footies with Paws These are so awesome.  First, they are made from bamboo! Soft, sustainable and easy to wash! They also have hand covers to prevent scratching, lined feet for warm tootsies, and they come in cute colors (not just pink and blue!!)  They also grow well with baby.  They stay pretty true to size and you really want these to fit closely to the body for warmth but also to keep little one cool as well! Babies overheat easily the pjs are really breathable.
  2. MD Moms Baby Sunscreen Wipes  I love all of the products by MD Moms because as doctors and mothers they really have created products for babies and kids that are user friendly and healthy for the entire family.  I have been using this on my Boo since he was 6 weeks old (checked with my doc) and continue using these now that he's older.
  3. Honest Company Diapers and Wipes  Let's face it…because they come in really cute prints were my initial motivation.  I soon realized my sons sensitive skin was no longer bothered and these plant based, biodegradable diapers are better for the environment than other disposables on the market.  Honestly, the cute prints had me hooked though.
  4. I highly suggest a backpack diaper bag, especially if you're alone and need free hands. I like Petunia Picklebottom's Boxy Backpack.  It’s not unusual to think you need everything but the kitchen sink in the diaper bag, but you really don't.  A few diapers, some wipes, one extra outfit, one extra light blanket, feeding supplies, one extra shirt for grown up (trust me…spit up doesn't wear well.)
  5. Love this Ergo Baby Carrier!! I found it more comfortable and breathable than other brands.
  6. I literally love everything made by Holy Lamb Organics.  I made the decision to purchase the crib mattress for Boo.  These mattresses are chemical free and naturally water-resistant.  It should be a serious consideration.  The chemicals in our furniture are no joke!
  7. This One Step Babyfood Maker by Baby Brezza is so dope! I loved making Boo's baby food.  This little contraption made it so easy.  It steams, blends all in one step.  Just load, select the appraise setting for the food you're making, push start and walk away.
  8. Stroller Hooks are a total must.  You can hang shopping bags, or the diaper bag.
  9. Function and fashion meet with these Chewbeads.  When baby is teething he or she will want to put anything and everything in sight into their mouths.  These cute accessories are perfect for Mom and baby alike.
  10. And last but not least…this mamaRoo swing by 4moms is absolutely amazing.  Boo lived in this thing for 6 months.  It’s adjustable and pretty indestructible.  Hook up your iPod with soothing tunes and baby will easily nap in comfort.  Look on eBay or consignment if you can't justify paying a pretty penny for this, but trust me when I say it is a godsend.

Hope these are helpful!

W and Boo