This Single Mom's Bucket List

1. Let's just get the sleep portion of this bucket list out of the way: I would kill for a 48 hour opportunity to soak up uninterrupted REM cycles, preferably in a hotel where I can order room service, wear a fluffy robe and make a mess that I don't have to clean up. 

2. Go on a date and NOT have to wear Spanx.  Seriously, it's just impossible to actively listen to anyone speak when you're realizing your control top panties are slowly rolling down, creating a that-much-more unflattering silhouette and also trying to find the most opportune time to yank those suckers back up to where they belong without looking like a completely unladylike slob of a human being.  

3. Show up at a school event and NOT feel like the black sheep. 

4. Go on a vacation without my son and NOT feel guilty about it.  

5. Create a massively successful business that allows me to spend the majority of my time working braless/pantless.  We are all more productive when we don't have to worry about those formalities, right? 

6. Hit the gym more often and with less insecurities.  I see these people in the gym looking all carefree and unencumbered by years of "fat kid" trauma.  When I go to the gym I am constantly aware of how red my face is, how jiggly some of my parts are and how I'm constantly trying not to cuss like a sailor.  I'd like to just go in there and go full-beast mode and give zero fucks.  

7. Trust more freely and with ease.  This is a big one, and maybe it's an unattainable goal, but I would love to be able to just be the kind of person who makes friends or meets people and isn't constantly questioning motive.  Thanks, anxiety. 

8. Find the perfect haircut.  I know, I know...It's a lifelong journey for some of us.  

9. Roll around in a clean car for more than 3 hours.

10. Have a professional organize my house...and maintain said organization.  I feel like sometimes we live in the center of a tornado made up of toys, laundry and never-ending "to-do" lists.  

11. Meet a man who appreciates the fact that I may not have a perfect body or look flawless 24/7 but I can hold a conversation about world issues, literature, art, music and design...and those characteristics make me sexy AF.  

12. Take a ride out to the beach on the back of a motorcycle or in a convertible just to feel the wind in my hair and feel free for a small amount of time before I get back to worrying about school projects, taking out the trash or hustling to write this blog while balancing my life.  

13. Have someone send me flowers just because they know it would make me smile.  

14. Have a spa day where I am pampered from head to toe.  This is different from when you get enough time to shave both legs past the knees, or commit to blowdrying your hair.  This is the full deal where every part of your body is luxuriated upon, while someone brings you cucumber water and you walk away feeling like you did before you procreated.  

15.  Do all of the laundry without having to run the dryer twice because those clothes have been in there for 2 days.  

16. Leave the house for a night out with matching and even eyeliner for once. (You gals know what I'm saying.) 

17. Eat dinner at a grown up restaurant past 6:00 pm. Preferably someplace that has a longer cocktail menu than a kids menu.  

18. Walk through my house and NOT step over legos, action figures or random articles of clothing. 

19. Convince my child that he does not have to crawl into bed with me at 2 am and proceed to kick, slap or punch me in his sleep.  

20. Meet a partner who can accept and/or relate to the list above.  

10 Things About Children's "Entertainment" That are Ruining My Life...

1. Is it me or is the Hotdog Dance song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse causing a Pavlovian response to want to choke the life out of Goofy? 

2. Thanks to Elmo for saying once (like 2 years ago) that broccoli is gross and now my kid refuses to even try it because "Elmo said its yucky." Frankly, I don't care if Elmo gets some kind of colo-rectal issue, but I'm over here trying to teach my kid how to eat to live in a world full of diseases from genetically modified food and the damn puppet is veggie-blocking me.  

3. I'm not sure Little Einsteins is creating a culture of classical music officiandos as much as its just angering parents and care givers who must now explain that one cannot simply start a vehicle by clapping.  If you have ever argued with your kids on these types of things you know that a root canal is preferable. 

4. "Dog With A Blog" is a show where an actual dog has more blog followers than I do. 

5. I have a hard "No Calliou" rule.  It's legit whinier than our current administration.  

6. Why in the world do children's movies allow the words "stupid" and "dumb"?! I have had to do damage control since Monsters, Inc.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Disney movies, but hearing the word 'stupid' coming out of your 2 year olds mouth is a bit disconcerting, to say the least.  Honestly, I would rather he drop an F Bomb. 

7. Have you seen these YouTube Kids reality shows? There are several.  All they do is show videos of their everyday life, only in the MOST annoying way possible.  Now my kid thinks sending a cute video to his grandparents should include the words "don't forget to subscribe and 'Like' this video at the link below..." 

8. While I'm on a YouTube Kids rant...just the background music in the app hypnotizes my kid into some sort of stopper and he can't seem to pay attention anyone or anything else.  Case in point: he walked into a wall the other day and bounced right up like something out of the Walking Dead.   

9. What in the actual F*&% is going on with that SpongeBob Squarepants and his gang of weirdo cohorts? I mean, really.  WTF?? 

10. I am totally annoyed that in most children's films the male characters is either a prince who is completely void of any depth and complexity, or a cad, a thief or a complete asshole.  Why? Let's not even begin to discuss the gender roles and age issues of these movies but I mean, come on.  Don't little boys deserve some sort of relatable protagonist that starts out a good person and makes good decisions and doesn't need a to be jerk to get the moral of the story conveyed to the audience? Just a thought.  

What annoys you about whatever shows or movies your Little Rebels are geeking out over these days?

MLR Fave Rave: February is Sunny Vacays, Love and Birthdays!

Hey Rebel Leaders and Domestic Warrior Princesses! I haven't done a Fave Rave since August because, well...I keep forgetting! Oops! Honestly, I have so many new products that I am totally obsessed with that I am feeling the need to share, but also just want to include some tips and tricks of how I get through some of the stuff we have planned for the next few weeks of crazy.  February is my birthday month, annual family vacation to Key Largo, FL (a 6 hour road trip) and Valentine's Day...all of those either being really exciting or super depressing. I'm not sure which, yet. Here's an idea of what I am gathering up for all of this years festivities.  

First of all, I am a huge fan of the "at home spa day." So as my 37th birthday (yes, I said my actual age) approaches I wanted to share some of the new products I have been tinkering with on the rare occasion that I get to indulge in some beautification between loads of laundry and packing lunches.  I love all things Bliss for the best in DIY spa days with high quality products.  Recently I have had all the feels for the Mask-A 'Peel' Radiance Rubberizing Mask! Just mix with water, slather on, let dry and peel. And before I get ready for vacation I like to use a Hot Salt Scrub and Self Tanner because literally no one wants to see my pasty legs without a little sun-kissed glow. When it comes to my hair, I have a serious crush on the Olaplex at home treatment.  It's easy to use, you can get about 4 treatments per bottle (depending on the length of your hair) and it's legit a miracle for color treated tresses like mine. Can we say godsend?!

We all know I am single AF, but that doesn't mean I don't do a little Valentine's Day splurging.  This year I am making a little gift basket for my son with some fun little surprises, like awesome bath bombs, a sweet new shirt to wear to school and my little man's FAVORITE candy.  Don't judge, but may I report back after the most humiliating holiday of the year that I sent myself flowers...and carbs.  Let's face it, I will probably eat a whole pizza that day. That being said, I'm also really into taking ownership and loving my own body this year.  I am getting up there in years and have always battled with weigh issues. I have always worn a one piece bathing suit...but this year, NO WAY! I am learning to LOVE my body for Valentine's Day and letting it shine on our sunny vacay.  This year I will be lounging poolside in a bikini and reading my new favorite book by Ashley Graham.  

 Also, it takes me a good month to plan for a 6 hour road trip down to the Keys, or anywhere for that matter, so this year I am preparing a few weeks in advance by getting the car super organized and making sure we pack light and save plenty of room for all of the ridiculously amazing road-side crap you can find in Southern Florida.  One of the things I am pretty adamant about it not eating junk food along the way..  It's just not a good idea.  Sour bellies and sugar cranked kiddos don't make for an easy coast down state.  I try to pack healthy snacks, and meals for the backseat where B and passengers can grab something easily.  When we make a pit stop I am fully prepared for the horror of public restrooms.  Trust me and always have these items in your car at ALL times: Trash bag, Gallon ZipLoc Bag, Paper Towels, Toilet Paper.  You never know when these will be needed and you DON'T want to be stuck roadside with no way to clean and contain messes or mishaps.  This has happened to me and they only thing I can say is that if it weren't for my make-shift hazmat kit, I would have been totally screwed.  

So, wish me luck.  Another year closer to 40, another adventure, and another single Hallmark holiday to come and go.  This year its about ME! Time to love myself, own my life and be grateful for every wrinkle, dimple, disaster and triumph.  

bliss mask-a'peel' radiance revealing rubberizing mask 1pk, 14 grams

20 Things I Would Rather Do Than Discuss Politics

I think we all feel a bit exhausted, overwhelmed and more than likely you feel lost in all of these political conversations floating around social media and in our own homes.  I, myself, feel very drained from it all.  Here's a list of 20 things I would rather do than discuss politics anywhere with anyone.  

1. Spend countless hours assembling a Lego village, only to watch my 4 year old systematically dismantle it in 30 seconds.

2. Wear a bikini in public.  

3. Give my child access to a Sharpie.  

4. Find the thing thats making my car smell like that. 

5. Spend the day with Kathy Lee Gifford...(Sorry fans, but really? Ugh) 

6. Fish the toy out of the toilet with my bare hands that my child has successfully lodged somewhere between "freedom" and "major plumbing emergency." 

7. Get my period. 

8. Ask Kelly Ann Conway for fashion advice. 

9. Let my son watch Caillou. 

10. Hear the words "can you wipe my butt" as you sit down for the first time all day to finally eat something besides cold coffee.  

11. Go on a blind date. 

12. Throw a birthday party at my home and invite a classroom of 4 year olds...then give them all Play-Doh. 

13. Explain why "mommy's boobs are saggy" for the one millionth time to my son...or anyone else who asks, for that matter.  

14. Let my kid nap at 4 pm.

15. Allow my son to keep licking everything he sees at Disney.  (Don't ask. I have no clue what thats about.) 

16. Go anywhere without at least a few hours notice so that I can prepare for the worst. 

17. Let the iPad run out of battery.

18. Watch my kid try to open a yogurt tube for 20 minutes...then watch said yogurt tube explode all over the living room because "squeezing it is the best way to get it open faster." 

19. Watch Frozen...again. 

20. Listen to Donald Trump try to read a book to my kid's class while they ask him hard hitting questions regarding policies, both foreign and domestic.   

Confession: 10 Things That Annoy Me About My Own Parenting

1. I'm a control freak.  The older my son gets the more i realize the time with him is slipping away.  I am so used to being "the one" and taking care of every detail.  Recently I've started to delegate time from him to be with other people and for those people to do more because, well...it's just time.  But I feel so emotional about it all, I just annoy myself to no end that I have such a hard time with change.  I need to get over myself.
2. My Facebook and Insta are total brag books that chronicle every cute, awful, or anything-in-between moment in my child's life.  How do I still have friends?
3. When socializing in a no-kid setting the conversation always diverts its way back to my kid or being a Mom.  Like I have NOTHING else to offer! Again, not sure how I still have friends.
4. I still harbor guilt over not breastfeeding my son for a year, or that he's had a happy meal, or that he is 4 and not playing the piano while speaking Mandarin.  I second guess my decisions about all of that crap all of the time.
5. I don't spend enough time being "extra." Elf on a Shelf? Nope.  After school sports? Nope.  Calendars filled with play dates? Nope.  Between preschool, his Dad's house, and me trying to make the house perfect, exercise, and write this blog...I have given up on being extra.  I mean, I have tried, but it just didn't work for me and it drives me crazy.
6. I don't try to make new parent friends.  I am actually quite introverted and shy and full of insecurities so making friends has NEVER been easy...but now the game has changed and I feel like I should have this whole village of Moms and Dads that I "hang out" with.  I don't.  Maybe I'm just an asshole.
7. When I am in a fancy place, or someone else's home, or...you know, anywhere but OUR house...I constantly repeat my son's name over and over again. "B! Don't touch! B! Don't do this...don't do that!!!" How F%$#ing annoying is that?! SOmetimes I just leave thinking "I hate the sound of my own damn voice."
8. If I get a classroom e-mail about anything from making sure the lunches are nut free or behavior issues in the class, I take that shit way personal. (Internal dialogue is something like: Oh my gosh, how could I have not researched every ingredient? Is he hitting, where did I go wrong?) It's all very, very dramatic and I admit...SUPER ANNOYING!
9. My need for a clean and orderly (I told you...I'm a control freak) means I spend a lot of time asking B to clean up and less time just getting dirty with him or making a mess and enjoying myself with my own kid.
10. I drive like a everyone on the road is drunk or crazy.  I mean, I am the most defensive and crazy paranoid driver on the planet.  I will admit that I am a total Nervous Nelly on the road with my kid in the car and that if it wasn't so cold or expensive I would gladly move back to New York so that I could use mass transportation and never drive again.

20 Horrible Things I Would Rather Do Than Deal With This Election

1. Walk over endless trails of Legos while shoeless and in the dark. 2. Have a PlayDoh party with 20 toddlers.

3. Assemble anything from Ikea.

4. Take my 4-year-old to Target an only buy groceries while he melts down for the whole store to see.

5. Listen to drunk people talk about politics.

6. Fold load after load of fitted sheets.

7. Answer the "where do babies come from" question.

8. Eat at a fine dining restaurant with an over tired child.

9. Run out of coffee.

10. Try to feed my child broccoli at every meal.

11. Stand in lines at Disney.

12. Go to a Chucky Cheese.

13. Wear a bikini in public.

14. Use cheap toilet paper.

15. Allow a spider to live in the house...even a tiny one.

16. Assemble and put lights on a fake Christmas tree.

17. Watch sports.

18. Talk to people at the gym.

19. Run out of wine.

20. Go to the Gynecologist.

5 Things I Did to Make Myself a Happier Person

I will admit that recently I have made some major life changes.  It was time.  I'm 36, single, a mother, and I'm on a journey to find out what I can do for myself to be a happier person.  That isn't to say I am or was totally depressed and dissatisfied with my life, but I knew something was missing.  I was right.  A lot of things were missing.  So...I made some changes, and today I can say I am living a happier life.  I thought I would share them with you. Maybe you can relate, maybe you want change in your life too, or maybe you'll just think I'm a total hippy dippy new-age weirdo. I'm not making any apologies for any of the following, because being a mother and an actual person, I deserve to be happy and so do you.   1. I changed my surrounding environment.  I will acknowledge this isn't for everyone, but I moved.  I needed to change my whole environment.  My old house was holding some bad ju-ju and I could feel it all burdening me.  You don't have to move, but you can change your environment.  Lighten up the paint color, change the lighting, reorganize the closets, always keep fresh flowers for the house, buy yourself some new bedding. Little changes in your space can bring you large amounts of joy.

2. I accepted my body for what it was, then decided to love it.  I have battled my weight for my whole life. As long as I can remember enjoying food, I've battled food.  But food wasn't loving me back, it wasn't filling a void or making me happy.  It was weighing me down! Emotionally and physically.  I changed the way I fed my body...my awesome, curvatious, strong, beautiful and imperfectly perfect body.  I started by leaving out carbs and adding more vegetables. Not because I want to be a Kardashian or anything, but because my body is what I rely on the wake me up in the morning and carry me through the day.  I need a healthy body and a clear mind to take care of Boo.  Once I nixed the crappy foods out of my daily diet (I use Sunday as a "cheat day") I started sleeping better, noticed my shape was changing, my hair grew faster, my mind was sharper, I didn't need coffee to feel awake, and my skin looked fabulous.  Hello!?! Who doesn't want to feel better?

3. I started using exercise as a morning mediatation...and planning my world domination.  Everyday (except Monday which is used for errands and appointments) I take the time to walk 2-5 miles, hit the gym and lift some weights, or swim for at least 30-45 minutes.  I put on my workout clothes, lace up my shoes, pop on my headphones, crank up my hip-hop playlists and GO! While my body is sweating and working hard, my mind races.  This is the time during the day that I collect my thoughts, I plan these blogs, I let my creative juices flow...and by the time I have finished I usually have a cohesive idea that I quickly jot down in iNotes. It's the most creative and emotionally productive time of day.  By allowing myself to just be "in the zone" I allow myself to connect with a part of me that's often neglected while "momming." It's made me happier than I can ever really express into word, but I try during these posts.

4. I started letting Dad be Dad.  I found myself in an overwhelmed and overly controlled mindset...and I had to stop!! It was driving me crazy.  Admitting to myself that I can't be everyone and everything to Boo all of the time and that it was time to set some of that aside and allow Daddy to take over was a HUGE and I mean mountainous, gargantuan, colossal decision for me.  It was time.  Being a single parent is hard, but not allowing someone to help and be the other parent is like making life ten times harder, solely because I couldn't relinquish the control.  It took a lot of communication (which is key) and some major trust building, and probably some very annoying instructional guidance for me to be ok with allowing someone else take over some of the responsibility but in the long run I am much happier and so is my child.  With the new-found free time I've been able to reconnect with my own goals...and smash them left and right.  Bonus!

5. I started walking with my head up.  Don't look down.  Just keep your chin level and your eyes on the horizon.  Look at the world in front of you.  I make eye contact with more people, smile and nod.  Shoulders back, spine straight and check out what's going on.  It's amazing how just looking up from my phone or from my feet has given me more confidence.  No amount of Facebook "Likes" or Instagram ❤️ can replace a strangers smile or catching a precious moment between two people.  This universe is a truly complex place and you're in it! Be part of it.  Let go of what you think you're missing and be present in the thing you're actually in.

5 Reasons I Can't Stand the Preschool Parking Lot

Every time I pull into the preschool parking lot images of the movie Mad Max flood through my brain. I totally understand that people are in a rush or whatever but when we are dropping our kids off at school let's try to act like we've been somewhere before, am I right?Here's why driving in the school parking lot is killing me:

1. Why the hell are you looking at your phone and "driving" and in a parking lot filled with people? If you haven't noticed, you happen to be driving like a hive of bees has been let loose in your minivan! Whatever it is you're doing on that thing can wait.

2. Children are darting everywhere....hold on to them! I know it's hard to hold onto a toddler, push a stroller, balance the 47 items you have to bring into the school and look at your phone (again with the damn phone) but seriously I have had legit 3 mini heart attacks recently because I have seen a toddler running out in front of cars in the parking lot or behind a car that has its reverse lights on and it's rolling backward.  I really can't handle being that terror-striven at 9 in the morning.

3. Everyone drives a tank. I get it, we have kids...BUT learn to park said tank into a regular parking space allotted without parking 4 inches from my passenger side.  It seems like as soon as I pull into my space and put my car into park a tank pulls in next to me, leaving no room to get my kid out of the car.  Ummm...OK, I am annoyed AF but not wanting to be the "rage mom" I try to pull my kid out from the drivers side...while a tank is waiting and has had the brass cojones to beep at me letting me know their trying to pull in to the available space on my driver's side.  I'm trying people, you're leaving me literally no room to function.

4. You either can't follow the crossing guards directions or you don't care, but I saw three cars last week drive as if no one was helping other kids across the street.  Don't be an ass.  They're doing their job, now you do yours and drive like a decent human binge, please.

5. Your standing behind my car while chatting it up, lattes in hand, ready for the gym, and casually discussing your child's gluten-free-no-theme-themed-birth-anniversary party...or some other goofy shit.  Please move.  We're new here and I'm trying to not make a bad impression so when I ask you to move (in the politest voice I possibly have) please don't roll your eyes and judge me...

I'm usually sweating bullets when I leave the parking lot most mornings.  I am totally convinced that preschool parking lots are the most terrifying places on earth.  Way worse than the Wal-Mart parking lot, for sure.

What do you think?

10 Reasons I'm OK with Being Single and a Mom

It's been over three years and I'm still single and a Mom...and I couldn't be happier.  It's not that I'm a bad partner or that I don't want love in my life. When I am in a relationship I pour all of my energy into being the best girlfriend I can be, but dating just hasn't been working for me. I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor, or a "baby-daddy" (I have one of those and he's just fine, thanks) and I sure-as-hell am no longer looking for a relationship to define me as a person. Been there, done that...and it was awful.  I had to learn to face myself and what I need head on and change how I felt about being alone and a mother.  Now, after many moons have past, I can finally say that I am OK with being single and a Mom.  Here's 10 reasons why:

1. I have a man in my life, and he's three.  I am focused on raising my son.  I don't have the time or the energy for making sure someone else is taken care of right now.  It's the truth. Trust me, I have tried. Online dating is horrible, Tinder is basically like a bat-signal for weirdos, meeting men in bars means meeting drunks in bars (no thanks) and I'm just not willing to spend my free time away from the house trying so to catch feels for a man I don't need right now.  Honestly, I would rather just hang out with friends, no expectations of love or courtship and have a good time.  When I started to do that very thing, I no longer felt imprisoned by the idea that every woman needs a partner.  I don't.

2. I have control of the remote...after bedtime.  I can watch whatever I want and it's glorious.  No sportsball shows eating up every waking moment! I can marathon watch HGTV and no one is there to judge, preach or complain. Totally worth it.

3. I have to focus on me.  When I became a single mother I lost all focus on myself.  I gained weight, I wasn't sleeping well, I was stressed out and distracted from my own commitment to being the best person (not just parent) that I could be.  I have learned that if I don't eat right, exercise, and take care of myself there is no way I could ever entertain being in a relationship ever again.  No man can ever take care of this stuff for me, I have to do it all for myself.

4. I can sleep in the middle of the bed...most of the time (unless kiddo is taking the whole damn thing.) No fights over the covers, no snoring, no man farts waking me mid-REM cycle.  Win.

5. Facing loneliness makes you stronger.  Without a man around I have had to learn what makes ME happy.  Years of relationships made me focus on someone else.  Being single meant that  I had to face the loneliness head on and kick its ass.  I am more sure of myself and my choices now than I ever have been, and it feels amazing.   I own that shit and I take pride in this place that I am in today.

6. I don't have to pick up after another grown-ass adult who can't seem to find the laundry hamper or dishwasher.  Do I have to pick up toys and clean up after my child all day? Yes.  Do I have to "mom" anyone else? Oh, hell no.

7. You're not alone! There are a lot of single parents out there in the world.  Find your tribe! They're out there!  I also feel way more connected to my family and friends now than I have in all the years I spent in long-term relationships. I am making real connections with people again, and it eases the anxious feelings of being alone for the majority of the time.

8. It's forced me to get creative with the moments I share with my son.  Kitchen dance parties, Mommy and B only nights, special trips just for the two of us, and Friday jamming out in the car after school...all the little things we come up with to make memories for our children will add up one of these day and they will look back on them and know that the times alone with their Mom was unique and happy and nothing was missing.  I am enough.

9. I learned to embrace the "modern family" mentality.  My son has a great father and his father lives with his girlfriend...and we're a family.  Yes, all of us.  I never heard of a family that is perfect (if they're out there in the world, good for them...but seriously, it's probably not true.) Ours is uncommon and that's ok.  When it comes to children, they only feel different if you make them feel that way.  We treat our family as a normal, functioning family unit....because it is, and that's all there is to it.

10. I know what kind of man I don't want.  Before I became a parent I just went with my heart.  I'm not saying it was wrong, and I'm not saying that those were bad choices or that they were bad men.  They weren't at all, but it just didn't work for me then and it surely isn't going to work for me now.  I am a completely different person than I once was.  I'm more confident and self-assured, I feel freer to be myself (good, bad and ugly) which makes more less dependent on a man's approval, and I'm sexier than I ever have been in the past.  Yes, that's right...I said it. I am way sexier now.  My attractiveness now comes with my experience, a full heart and strength that only comes from surviving all of the shit I've been through.

...and maybe, just maybe one day someone will come along and be rad enough to appreciate all of these things about me and I won't be single anymore...