Funny Observations from My Life as a Single Mom: Volume 2

1. In the last two years I have not taken a shower without simultaneously repairing a toy in the process.  Example: just a few weeks ago I was in the shower and my son lugged in the entire Hot Wheels racetrack for me to "fix" while I had shampoo running into my eyes and one leg in mid-shave....and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I actually finished shaving the leg but the toy was "fixed." 2. I have recently asked an entire car load of adults if they have all gone "pee-pee" before we left an establishment.

3. I loath soccer games for my son.  It's 100 degrees in the shade, my son is melting down every 7 minutes, by the time they start playing he's had a gallon of water to drink and has to pee, the uniform gave him a heat rash, and by the time it's all done I need a strong mimosa and a nap.

4. I recently discovered I own an overwhelming number of cups for my son...he uses two.  These are legitimately the only two cups on the face of the earth that will do.  Any mention of the other cups or suggestion to use the other cups creates mass hysteria...I avoid that drama at all cost.

5. I Pinterest a lot of hairstyles that I will never: 1) have the skill to accomplish or 2) have time to accomplish.  #mombun

6. My son was in the bath the other day and I glanced over and saw him reaching for a small, brown, floating object. I went into panic mode. "No! Don't touch that! Is that a Poop?!?!".....it was a toy otter.  He rolled his eyes at me.  I almost stroked out, and let me just say, I threw the otter toy away.  I'm too old for that kind of anxiety.

7. My current clothing size ranges somewhere between "I can't eat the rest of the day if I wear this" and "I'll have a third taco, please...no one will ever know."

8. The back seat of my car consists of: 3 empty sippy cups, 2 pairs of kid sized shoes, 3 socks (don't ask where the fourth is...I have no idea), 2 batmen, and a dozen used boogie wipes.

9. The other day I accidentally dozed off, only to be awoken by a nerf "bullet" straight to the boob.

10. I'm getting my hair done this week...Its the most exciting thing to happen to me since the last season of Game Of Thrones.

Funny Observations from My Life as A Single Mom: Valuim...err...Volume 1

1.  I have two towels.  My kid has 45 adorable hooded towels with characters on them and I literally just think they're the cutest thing ever...but I only have two (seriously) towels that I have to wash every other day.  And when I go to buy myself some more towels, I just end up with more for my kid.  Ridiculous.

2.  I have full conversations with my dog when my son is in preschool.  I have even accidentally yelled at her and called her by my son's name when she knocked over a plant the other day.  Let's call that force of habit.

3. I was legit excited to hear there was a new Paw Patrol character coming out.  No wonder I can't get a date.

4. In my spare time I like to take long leisurely strolls down the makeup isle at Target...like I ever wear a full face of makeup anymore...but a girl can dream, right?

5. My favorite compliment is when someone at Crate and Barrel says, "well he's pretty well-behaved" as he's pretend light saber battling with BBQ tongs.  Trust me, lady, it could get worse.  I'll take this as a win.

6. I laugh hysterically when my 3.5 year old can manage to wait until the entire room falls silent and yells at the top of his lungs "we don't say stupid or fuck, right mom? We don't say that cause it's bad, right?  We don't say STUPID or FUCK."

7.  This meme is soooooo accurate:

8.  I have three looks these days: school drop off (also doubles as gym-look...thanks altheti-leisure trend), going out (it's the same black dress and adidas sneaks because I don't really go anywhere high-heel worthy anymore), and pajamas...this is my favorite because it's the only bra-free option.

9. I can leave the grocery store after an hour and a half with a back seat full of healthy and delicious options for my kid to eat, each painstakingly researched, labels read and kid approved...and have nothing to eat for myself...like nothing.  Except wine.

10.  I have woken up WAY early to catch up on all of my TV shows because it's better than a tattle-tailing toddler repeatedly reminding me that "we don't say 'stupid' or 'fuck', right Mom?"

Don't forget!

To follow me on Twitter, Instagram (littlerebelmom) Pinterest (seriously, I'm a Pinterest junkie so do that) and on our FB page. You never know what interesting little tidbits my pop up on our social media and we love to keep you on your toes!