Ugh. So, as we all know, I am very single. Well, I decided that 2017 is the year I try to be less single. I'm not really interested in jumping into anything super serious, but maybe it would be good for me to try and give this dating thing a try. We're one month in to this journey and its basically a disaster.

How do people actually meet each other now? No, seriously...HOW??? I have heard bizarre stories like, "we met at Whole Foods" or "we met at the gym." These are the two legit LEAST likely places for me to ever meet anyone! Pretty sure I'm so distracted by reading labels to make sure my four year old ingests the least amount of GMOs that I wouldn't notice a good looking man in the grocery store. And the gym? Really? Thats where I go to forget about men and focus on myself!
What ever happened to friends setting friends up on blind dates? Oh, yeah...that's right, I forgot that all of my friends have either been married for ions or are way more single and desperate than I am, so they have no decent dating pool options.
Meeting someone in a bar? Not an option. It hasn't worked in the past, why would I think it would work now?
Dating websites/apps, you say? Ok. Well I have tried this route and it's a nightmare. Why are they all holding fish or some other animal they have killed? Do women dig that? I have no clue.
Why can't anyone take a decent selfie? It's 2017! Its basically the only form of portraiture at this point. Do they ever clean the bathroom mirror, I mean, do that before you take a bathroom selfie...please. And what is it with just the pic of your nipple? Thats just SO strange.
Statistically speaking there must be a pretty large part of the population that is divorced (me) and a parent (also me) so why is every man in my 25 mile radius "never-been-married-no-kids-cats-only" guy? I really am hoping to date people that have had some life experience. How am I supposed to relate to someone who has no responsibility outside of work and a cat litter box?
Have you ever seen couples and think to yourself, "Those two weirdos found each other...so why am I still single?"
Why do single men with no children think that I'm looking for a father for my kid? I'm NOT! Thats utterly ridiculous. My son has a great father, and we're friends. The assumption I need a man for the "positive male role model" is presumptuous and insulting, at best.
I have come to realize after 4 years of being single (by choice, thank you very much) that I am independent to a fault. Its kind of my biggest flaw. I should work on that.
Can't I just date John Cusack? Is he available?
I would be the perfect girlfriend. I'm busy, so I wouldn't be needy. I'm also not likely to waste someone's time. Being a Mom has taught me to just be honest. No BS. No games. No assumptions. I mean, can't we just see a movie once in awhile? Maybe some dinner and a glass of wine? I'm looking for someone to make fun of these dating apps with.
When someone messages you and say "hey beautiful, what are you looking for?" it makes me want to respond with "someone to clean out the car and fold the laundry..."
Why do all men assume that "fit/active" means skinny? I gave birth to a human, run, go to the gym to lift, and eat a very healthy diet...I AM NOT SKINNY...nor do I really want to be.
Raising a son means I have seen my share of penis by 8 am, so why would a man think I would want a "dick pic" sent to me while I am cruising Target for some new flannel pajamas?! UMMM, NO.
When I think about going on an actual date I think about having to wear spanks and do my hair and I start to realize being single might not be that bad after all...